Friday, April 21, 2006

He's Blunt

More and more lately I've been feeling the challenge of just trusting God more--wholeheartedly--and hearing what he is saying to me. So, in lieu of that, I have a story!

In the summer of grade 10 I was faced with a difficult decision; where I wanted to go for grade 11. I was in such a position that I could wake up for the first day of class, and catch the bus to the school to the north, or the one to the school to the south. Having been going to the school in the north for a year already, I wasn't sure if I really liked it, and was not happy to hear that they were cutting their art program. I had a few friends that went to the south school, and knew the principal quite well, as he was my elementary and junior high principal.
It was the last day of summer vacation, and my father confronted me and said, "I really wish you'd go back to said school, I think you're making a wrong choice to be switching schools ..." and I was very shocked. I thought about it all day, and that night I asked my mom, "what do I do?"
"Well," she replied, "I don't know; that is your choice." It had been a long day, and I was tired, and confused, so I just prayed to God, and said.
"God, you know what is best for me; let me know what I am to do in the morning--and make it clear, because sometimes it's hard for me to tell when you are speaking to me."
And then I went to sleep ...
"Tammy?" my mom woke me in the morning, "Are you okay with catching a ride to school with Brette and her mom this morning? I can't get you [south] to the bus stop."
"Yeah, okay mom." I replied; God had answered my prayer--bluntly at that--and it was as good of an answer as ever for me. I went to that south school--to the disapproval of my father; ended up taking art all through high school, and got encouragement from my peers to pursue it along the way--took it as God's call and decided to follow it. I heard about ACAD from my guidance counsellor, and went to the portfolio review day with my portfolio--that was really just a throw-together--and got it approved that day! Looking back, one could say that my mom just assumed or decided for me. But look at the results! There was definitely--without a doubt--a higher power working there! Often I am just so amazed at how God works in my life. Because of this, I do know that God wants me to pursue my art--even if I don't know in what way yet! He'll tell me in time. It's weird how things that seem so small at first add up in God's scheme of things.

The moral of the story is: God talked to me, as he talks to us all. And He will talk to us in whatever way works, because it is His desire to be able to talk to us. He loves us with this ... amazing, never ending love--If you loved someone in the way that God loves us, wouldn't you do anything in your power to break that communication barrier with them, so you could talk to them and be with them? I know I would, and my love is nothing compared to God's love.

Part of this, though, is just trusting when God is talking to you, and where he is leading you in life. I thought about this a lot today--as I have been thinking about this a lot lately--and was able to openly admit that I need to work on this. I said I was ready to step up to the challenge, and God heard me ...
Half an hour later I got an email about a house that will be available to rent right around the time that the lease where I am currently renting is expiring. The rate was very favourable, so I called the girl that sent me the email, and I got in touch with the landlord--what a blessing, I thought, it will be available right when I need it, and it will be more affordable! But, it turns out it wasn't the blessing I had hoped. She didn't want to rent to me because of my age, and advised me that she was planning to raise the rent as soon as the current tenants are gone.

As discouraging as that was, I was okay with it, because I knew that God was still talking to me. He told me flat-out no. Am I okay with that? Of course I am, He knows what is best. I will just keep trusting him, and looking towards His guidance. Sometimes, yes, He opens doors wide open for us--like God did for me by sending me to ACAD--but sometimes He slams them right shut. God will be blunt if he has to be. It's seemed to work for me so far!

Lord, I am listening, help me learn to hear you more; it's okay if you have to be blunt.